by Ralph Lombard

“And now a word from Reverend Curtis Conway.”

“Friends, I was sitting having a beer with God the other night, when God said to me: ‘Brother Curtis, I’m kind of short. Could I borrow a twenty until next week?’ And I said: ‘Certainly, Lord, but what do you need twenty dollars for?’ And God said to me: ‘Well, Brother Curtis, it’s not cheap trying to run a universe. The upkeep alone is astronomical!’ And we laughed at this. And then God said to me: ‘Brother Curtis, I want you to tell all your friends out there in cyberspace to send you their money. All of their money. And the reason I want them to send you their money is so that you can dress in the finest clothes, eat the finest foods, and live in the finest of dwellings. And the reason I want all this,’ He said to me, ‘is because I want everyone to know that I am the only God, omnipotent and all-knowing. And if anyone should fail to send you their money I will cast them into the outer darkness, where there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth and grumbling.’ Well friends, I told God I’d do the best I could and after showing me a few card tricks He left. Friends, I’m asking you now to send me your money. All of your money. Because He told me to. And remember friends, He knows where you live.”