Yeah, I saw that movie but I wasn’t all that impressed. You see, I had gone to the video store in search of an exciting and entertaining film for me to watch and enjoy later that night. Unfortunately, however, I left my glasses back at the house, which made it extremely difficult for me to read the labels on the movies. Well, one thing led to another which made a long story short. So you can undoubtedly imagine my bitterness when I finally returned home, for it was only then and there that I discovered the movie I had purchased was entitled “Titanic” and not “Tit-antics” as I had originally supposed. I was shocked and dismayed let me tell you, and I haven’t been that disappointed since the time I went to “Sling Blade” expecting to see a damn good kung-fu movie! What a gyp! They wouldn’t even give me my money back, for crying out loud! Damn them all to hell!
But still, I watched it anyway because it was either that or “Welcome Back, Kotter” reruns, which, for some reason, always give me scary dreams. And it was nothing but a complete rip-off of “Love Boat”, except without all the special guest stars who make it so darn interesting! And they didn’t even have any disco music or Gopher or anything! What’s up with that shit?
I don’t want to give away the suprise ending, but the captain was some sort of retard because he crashed the ship right into this damn iceberg and it sank. Not the iceberg, but the ship. What a dum ass! By the way, don’t get your panties in an uproar because I’ve been given official permission to use the word “retard” in the same way that the brothers can use the n-word. So don’t make me call you a retard, retard, unless I have to.
Sure there were some explosions, and the ship sunk real good, but it didn’t make up for such a completely unbelievable plot! Towards the end, when I found myself feeling sad for all the people who were dying, I pulled myself together by reminding myself it was only a silly make-believe movie and that I shouldn’t be such a sappy ass retard! I felt manipulated and exploited of my emotions by Hollywood yet again.
So I give it two thumbs up…